A blind walk in the park: attn friends

I think my biggest regret in life will be if I do not get an opportunity to show my work in another country preferably somewhere in Europe or Mexico before my 30th birthday I have 8 months to do this, only I can make this happen I've created all these Lil opportunities I've had over the years from being published in I-D magazine to showing wrk in New York/ manhattan only by a by blind walk in the park. I don't know of I have the drive and push to search out an opportunity again but I will try & if anyone has any connections to any galleries abroad info would be greatly appreciated.

Highs and the dumps

I had a great great day x's 25 today but I start thinking about the weight I've lost & my relationship here at home. I'm a Lil sad about the fact that I keep losing weight & yes I've curbed my eating somewhat as far as carbs & what not but I know I'm losing weight mostly cuz I'm sick (diabetes) that takes all the joy away. I don't even know why I'm writing this cuz I'm supposed to turn this in to a .com so it's supposed to just be about my work and not this type of BS but fuk it. #ventvomit I have lots of insecurities regarding my relationship but my fears are really out of my control it's funny it takes the smallest shit to set my dumbass off into a tornado of anxiety & stress. Well you know men ain't trying to hear that kind of naggy annoying shit. As it is they don't want to b botherd with the most minuet topics/tasks/conversations. I'll just say this out of all honesty, as women we need romantic partners not just a BFF. I havnt been feeling myself lately so that may have alot to do with things but regardless being lazy Is not okay (on both ends). I miss being 19 with all drive and energy.

Forever

It's so sad when you're ready to hop on the forever train but the ride is already ending. How misinformed we are about ourselves sometimes, how unaware of our personality. Never the less I wish my guardian angel would hit the mute button sometimes when it comes to my anxiety. Regarding alot of episodes that have occurred In my life, I take a lot sometimes. I've been picked apart and left detached. Even though these people try to break me, it's not me I'm worried about it's my mouth that I pray to stay shut and not allow raw opinions to flood out and drown ones confidence. I don't forget the way they try to serve me truths and harsh doses of word lashings. I just continue to breath and enjoy the parts of my day that I can.

Anytime anyplace

Interesting photos can be taken anywhere u see an interesting avenue. With any type of camera and any person there is an Opportunity to take a staple image.

Those People

Those people that have healthy balance in their lives. Who are those well rounded people and how do they do it? Why can't I do it? I'm overboard, overdone, over the top. They have a greater success than I ever will and it almost makes me feel as though I should be jealous, but being jealous is so not me. I think it's pointless and irrational. Instead I'll focus on fashion.

Foodlandia

OMGeezy today was great! Thrift storing, pier one window shopping (cause that store is far too posh for me) but the one thing that was not a good move was eating all u can eat sushi (8rolls) and then carls jrs 4hrs later! (3"low carb" burgers sure one of them was turkey but fml why must I continue to be such a classic fat ass! Omg and mind you this dinner happened after watching the 600lb mom documentary. I must have a fukeen death wish. To make matters more pathetic, I lied to my bf about sushi cause we always go together that shit is like fat people infidelity. I'm going to hell or the hospital if I keep this fat girl shit up.

Dogs are the best people around

Just wanted to take the time out to say that I love my dogs and they are the best people. My boyfriend who I've been with for 13 years now has always had issues when if comes to showing when he cares for someone/something but these last 2 yrs have show a different more nurturing and serene side to him and it's all because of our babies Cazzie and Marlow. I've never seem him in a more beautiful light then when we are lounging around the house w our babies. They love us no matter how crappy we feel or our day is. They are always so excited to see us. These dogs have helped us become better partners and love eachother on a deeper level that I thought I'd never see. A word that can help express what is that we have now is "peace". I love my pups and I hope they understand how they saved our love.

When life feels to fucken real

I worry about people being lonely all the time I worry about my mom being lonely I worry about my dogs and anyone person I come across that may seem lonely empty sad hopeless ect. It's so heavy sometimes to feel this way often. I wonder what exactly it must feel like to be in there shoes and how brave they are to continue to breath and love others day after day. I feel as though my life is to easy and nice. I have no real purpose unlike all the others I've mentioned I mean even my dogs are 2 of the most important people In my life and they hold a great purpose here. Making someone feel completely understood with Just one lick to the cheek is a gift. No I'm not trying to be dramatic here this is real for me. I have the gift of sensing or being intuitive to people's lonely hearts. This is very true. I wish it wasn't most the time even though I know it can be a good thing. It makes my heart extremely heavy. Especially when I don't know how to help sometimes. I cry alot during movies even commercials sometimes. I hate being so sensitive but it's a big part of who I am. It's boring to others or kind of a drag to bring such baggage up. So I pray, it's all I can do. Who knew empty was so heavy. So tonight I pray for anyone who is alone or feels alone to be blessed with a warm blanket like feeling of love and comfort.

2012 is another chance for us

I need to continue the hustle, sometimes I get so scattered I forget what in even trying to get at but I know I'm no matter what my goals are art design And creativity. So I'm ok w not being famous or uber successful. I just want to live comfortably & have financial freedom away from a company that has 0 interest in my direction in life. Build an awesome support system for myself, travel, learn 2 more languages fluently and be healthy.