I think its time

I feel life taking a lil turn in the right direction meaning eating cheap for a few bucks, not buying alot of shit 4 myself unless it costs 50cents. It's carlos's bday in a few weeks and I am determined 2 make it better than last years. Learning it's ok to have lows and they dont need to turn into depression. Since the age of 9 I've been afraid to become over emotional about anything that really matters besides daily bs, basically about the things I cant control in life. Some people tell me I'm to carefree, but what they don't know is that is because after having severe depression at the age of only 9 yrs old and then again at 11 yrs old feeling a deep black hole of nothingness that scares all the hope you have out of you as a child, nothing could ever be that bad and your happy everyday just to have a free mind thats not in it's own prison. So mentally you can say I celebrate everyday without even knowing it. Yes I had no idea what the word depression was, years later I found out even though I had been afraid for years of becoming more aware of menal illness. Even though certain relationships feel as though they have grown into a rusty rod that I have no way of correcting them or turning them into something not ugly, but it's ok they are for a reaon I say. It's easier 2 take what people do on to me rather than endure what I bring upon myself. So my therapys are thrifting, swapmeeting, picking up old delapidated furniture, and most importantly music/taking photos is my biggest relaxation. Today I feel so nice and I have to mention Gem who has inspired me today with good music honestly.

listening to Sufjan Stevens - all delighted people ep